Photo courtesy of babe.net.
The Aziz Ansari controversy, covered by babe.net, regarding a date gone seriously awry has made their rounds around various news outlets, with stories such as “Amid Aziz Ansari accusations, singles say these are scary times to be dating” from the Boston Globe, “If Aziz Ansari were a college student, he would likely be expelled” from Vox, & “Ask Natalie: Aziz Ansari, just a bad date or sexual harassment?” from the Pittsburg Post-Gazette.
While there is a lot of debate on who was right & who was wrong in this scenario, if we take the story at face value, the message from the Aziz Ansari controversy is clear: the trend of “scoring” on the first date is not only disrespectful, but can be very damaging to those who view dating as a means of getting to know someone first with the intention of a long-term commitment.
If you are unfamiliar with this story, Katie Way wrote an article on babe.net, titled “I went on a date with Aziz Ansari. It turned into the worst night of my life,” in which a girl going by the name of Grace met the successful comedian at an event, got asked out to a dinner date and was excited to get to know him, only for things to turn on its head when upon arriving at his residence was very rapidly advanced upon in a sexual manner multiple times even after verbally expressing her discomfort.
In the aftermath Grace was very much traumatized; “In the Uber home from Ansari’s apartment, Grace texted a friend: ‘I hate men.’ She continued: ‘I had to say no a lot. He wanted sex. He wanted to get me drunk and then [have sex with] me.’”
Perhaps things could have gone differently that night if Aziz Ansari wanted to get to know Grace as a human being instead of trying to push for his own gratification. This could have been a story of a photographer and the comedian meeting at an event, getting to know each other over time, and forming either a lasting friendship or a potential relationship built upon respect & common interests. Instead, it is clear that Aziz Ansari had one intention on the forefront, being described as a “horny, rough, entitled 18-year-old,“ and it is disappointing to see what was described as Grace’s excitement to get to know the comedian to be turned into a traumatizing experience.
Stories like this involving high profile celebrities are being written with more consistency and sparking conversation regarding victims of sexual assault and misconduct. The frustration of those targeted by those with their own satisfaction in mind are coming out, and more people are being made aware of the pain that people go through in today’s society to find lasting love. It is time for everyone in this society to recognize that there are many people out there who value mutual respect and lasting relationships over the one night stand, and that the singular goal of physical intimacy that some adhere to is detrimental to their victims.