Why You Should Stop Trying to Find Your Soulmate – And What to Do Instead
By Annabel Gutterman
Courtesy of Time.com
Hollywood, romance novels, picture-perfect depictions of relationships on social media: It’s all-too-easy to believe in soulmates.
But while nearly two-thirds of American adults believe in them, according to a 2017 Monmouth University poll, psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. says the term ‘soulmate’ can be dangerous. It can connote perfectionism — and perfection in relationships is essentially unattainable. “If you believe in soulmates, then you are less likely to work through [problems] because this person was supposed to be perfect and everything was supposed to be easy,” he says. But being able to confront conflict as a couple is imperative to growing a healthy relationship, he adds.
When people are searching for their soulmate, they can end up on a never-ending quest, says Ramani Durvasula, a psychologist based in California. If you believe in soulmates, it’s easy to think that you need someone else to complete you. But a relationship should always be an enhancement, rather than a necessity, she says.
Instead of looking for the one, start searching for a relationship that is more realistic, honest and healthy. Here, experts explain how to do it.
Make a list
Jotting down the qualities you’re looking for in […]
Sandy Bober shares her personal testimony about being raped in college, her infection with an STD and her struggles and ultimate victory to regain her self-esteem, healthy relationships and a successful marriage.
Here at Love Smarts, we would like to share helpful information including personal stories of relationship successes and failures, insights from psychology and human experience about what leads to lasting love relationships.
We look forward to hearing from YOU which articles were meaningful and also about what you have learned from your own life experience, whether that was a top-of-the mountain joy or a relationship disaster!
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The Science Behind Happy Relationships
By Sarah Treleaven
June 26, 2018
Courtesy of TIME
When it comes to relationships, most of us are winging it. We’re exhilarated by the early stages of love, but as we move onto the general grind of everyday life, personal baggage starts to creep in and we can find ourselves floundering in the face of hurt feelings, emotional withdrawal, escalating conflict, insufficient coping techniques and just plain boredom. There’s no denying it: making and keeping happy and healthy relationships is hard.
But a growing field of research into relationships is increasingly providing science-based guidance into the habits of […]
Parents help prep kids for healthier, less violent relationships
Warm, nurturing parents may pass along strategies for building and maintaining positive relationships to their kids, setting them up for healthier, less-violent romantic relationships as young adults, according to researchers.
Researchers found that when adolescents reported a positive family climate and their parents using more effective parenting strategies — like providing reasons for decisions and refraining from harsh punishments — those adolescents tended to go on to have better relationship problem-solving skills and less-violent romantic relationships as young adults.
Mengya Xia, graduate student in human development and family studies, Penn State, said the results — recently published in the Journal of Youth […]