News Articles

With sugaring, an aggressively regressive system has been normalized in our society to the point that we have mainstream publications advising well-off men on how to exploit young women for sex. In Summer 2020, a Men’s Health article discussed the concept of “sugar dating” in disturbingly neutral terms – including what a sugar daddy looks for in a “sugar baby,” and how popular “sugaring” has become with unemployment on the rise from COVID-19. In the article, sugar dating is depicted as just another choice for women and is coded as “taking control of one’s life” and “being your own boss.” In history [...]

Summary by Emerald O’Brien Emotional grooming is not limited to human relationships.  Media messages are grooming many teens and some adults.  The goal of any con game is to manipulate, persuade, or coerce someone into doing what the groomer wants. Many advertisers and media executives admit that they’ll do whatever it takes to get and keep your attention.  A high-ranking Abercrombie and Fitch popular pre-teen and teen clothier and magazine mogul commented to The New York Times,  “I pay little attention to the critics who feel that youth ought to be locked in boxes until they’re 50.  All [...]

By Emerald O’Brien The Nine Grooming Tactics Con Artists use to gain control of a “target” include:  Jealousy and possessiveness, Insecurity, Intimidation, Anger, Accusations, Flattery, Status, Bribery and Control.  Once teens can recognize the specific tactics that groomers use to manipulate their targets they can more easily detect and avoid the “players.” Expressions of jealousy and other difficult feelings are normal from time to time but they are used by a con artist  to manipulate. These tactics are unhealthy in any relationship. You should never be pushed into a relationship that you’re not ready for. You need to develop [...]

Summary by Emerald O’Brien Emotional grooming is a process by which the perpetrator or “Con” manipulates their target’s emotions to seduce, coerce, or con them into sexual behavior.  They most likely learned their behavior from peers, media, or other adult role models.  Most Cons have never seen or experienced the mutual respect and selfless behaviors it takes to maintain or create a healthy relationship. Perpetrators of sexual crimes and that is what it is, can be male or female.  They need two things, first to control their victim to create a false sense of trust and second, secrecy.  [...]

Most people know it — even kid about it; that they are their own worst enemy. They are critical of themselves in ways they would never be of others. And when they stop long enough to pay attention, they can also acknowledge that they are the worse for all of that self-chastising. The problem is that, too often, they don’t try to stop, or don’t know how. Those who are masters at self-criticism often create relationship problems with it. Consider Nancy. She is a very nice woman who had a caring boyfriend, Steve. The problem is that she tends to [...]

Love is not all you need, nor all your spouse or child needs; consider respect. By Peter Gray Ph.D. Courtesy of Psychology Today If you were to ask me if my parents loved me, I would, like Tevye and Golda in Fiddler on the Roof, have to pause and think. In the family I grew up in, love was a term used rather exclusively as the valediction in friendly letters.  It was rarely said aloud. We also weren’t big on hugging or kissing.  It was awkward for me when I left home and entered a different culture, where people regularly [...]

By Annabel Gutterman Courtesy of Time.com Hollywood, romance novels, picture-perfect depictions of relationships on social media: It’s all-too-easy to believe in soulmates. But while nearly two-thirds of American adults believe in them, according to a 2017 Monmouth University poll, psychology professor Gary W. Lewandowski Jr. says the term ‘soulmate’ can be dangerous. It can connote perfectionism — and perfection in relationships is essentially unattainable. “If you believe in soulmates, then you are less likely to work through [problems] because this person was supposed to be perfect and everything was supposed to be easy,” he says. But being able to confront [...]

By Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D. Courtesy of Psychology Today The love of your life. Your soul mate. Your life partner. That special someone. Whether we admit it or not, many of us are seeking to find our perfect complement. We crave having someone by our side who will love us through our moments of imperfection, and share the memories of our lives with us. We’ve seen enough movies about it, so it must be possible, right? Love is no fairy tale, so you can stop looking for a perfect "10" who fulfills all the qualifications on your wish list. It [...]

New research shows the unexpected predictors of your relationship's stability. By Susan Krauss Whitbourne Ph.D. Courtesy of Psychology Today Everyone would undoubtedly love to be able to peer into the relationship crystal ball to know whether they will remain with their partners, and for how long. Researchers who study the course of long-term relationships are often faced with the limitations of the one-shot or cross-sectional method, in which marital or other committed partners rate their satisfaction along with other key measures of interest, such as degree of conflict. Long-term, or longitudinal, studies have the advantage of being able to follow [...]

The difference between unconditional love and unconditional relationships. By Jeremy Nicholson M.S.W., Ph.D. Courtesy of Psychology Today Do you believe in unconditional love? I am asked this question frequently in discussions... When I respond with a "yes", my questioners are usually puzzled. They wonder how I can believe in unconditional love, yet discuss very "conditional" dating and relating techniques such as reciprocal gift-giving, withholding forgiveness, rewarding a partner, etc. After all, they assume, if you love someone unconditionally and truly bond with them, then you don't ever try to influence, limit, persuade, or set boundaries with them...right? Their confusion over [...]