By Gregory L. Jantz Ph.D.
Courtesy of Psychology Today

The love of your life. Your soul mate. Your life partner. That special someone. Whether we admit it or not, many of us are seeking to find our perfect complement. We crave having someone by our side who will love us through our moments of imperfection, and share the memories of our lives with us. We’ve seen enough movies about it, so it must be possible, right?

Love is no fairy tale, so you can stop looking for a perfect “10” who fulfills all the qualifications on your wish list. It is possible, however, to find someone to stand by your side, brave the messiness of the world, and help you experience life to its fullest potential.

How do you set the foundation to attract this kind of love in your life? Here are 5 secrets to get you started:

  1. Be authentic. To find real love, you must first emphasize your true self. If you want someone to love you through your moments of imperfection, you must first be willing to do that for someone else. Be real with yourself, so you are ready for someone else’s authenticity.

    What really makes you happy? What do you really want out of life? It’s easy to get caught in a pattern of pleasing others, and doing what seems popular or “normal” at the time. If you shift your personality, passions, or purpose to appease another person, you are not being your true self. People are attracted to authenticity. Get to know yourself, love yourself, and learn to act and speak authentically.

  2. Be your best self. Though opposites can attract, you must first understand that “like attracts like.” You set the caliber for the individual you want to spend your life with. You wouldn’t look for a lethargic, gluttonous, stingy complainer with ketchup stains on their shirt, so identify ways to clean up your own act first.

    Do you want to spend your days with a healthy person who takes care of their body? Then lace up those sneakers and get to the gym yourself! Do you want to surround yourself with a person who sees the best in people and situations? Then stop complaining! Do you want to find someone who strives to live each day with grace, joy, purpose. and integrity? You get the idea. . .

  3. Be confident. Be confident in yourself, your decisions, and your ability to attract love into your life. If you are being your authentic, best self, this confidence will radiate from you in a glow of self-worth. You will attract someone who recognizes, appreciates, and loves who you are.

    Foster this confidence by knowing that you are whole and complete just by being you. Understand that a soul mate is nice to have, but not a must-have. You, alone, are enough.

  4. Be open. If your desire is to meet someone new, then you must be willing to connect and open up with the people around you. If someone next to you in the coffee line strikes up a conversation, be willing to engage. Even if that person is not to be the love of your life, practice openness anyway. Developing this energy of openness will help you facilitate iterations that may lead to lasting relationships.
  5. Be happy. Perhaps the most important secret of this list is to be happy. Everyone wants to be around happy people; happiness is magnetic. So focus your energy on thinking about and doing the things that make you happy.